time and time again I want to say i'm happy. is it really true? I want to say it is but i just cant be sure. sometimes I am just so happy ouch my boobs just started hurting out of no where and there are other times when i'm just like WHATS THE POINT???? everyone sees me as this fine and dandy girly girl who is probablly the happiest girl on earth but i'm not. I'm really not. not even my true friends know how unhappy i can be at times. i want things to change it's just like seriously why is it always me who gets everything that has been worked hard at thrown in my face like it doesn't even matter? On friday i spent like the entire day with natalie, shes my best friend we had a blast like a great blast. I always have a blast with her. and when we were going back to her place i felt like it was MY fault that she got in trouble for staying out later than she had planned. the next day was the psychology car was. honestly it was so fun I had a great time. at first i felt very needy and felt like i HAD to be with my friends but slowly i just left them and went and got to know the other people in my psychology class. mark and analise weren't talking and i had them make up so then it felt like they were somewhat avoiding me part of the time so it made me feel like utter shit. i know that i really shouldn't feel like that but i did. on sunday i just spent the day reading dune and cleaning it wasn't much better but i didn't feel so needy. today was a lousy day just because of the winds, and analise was down so it put me in a sad mood since she is just such a great friend i hate it when mark asks her out because it just gets her all down. she is one of my closest friends and i hate it when she is upset. then we got ditched by nat breanna and aj at lunch so we felt all shitty together but whatever. natie is still my best friend and she explained to me what they went over to the other side of the hall for.
I want things to be like they were, i wanna feel happy and everything, its hard thought it really is. Ugh
Jasmine and I are at a great start of a new friendship so that makes me happy
I really wanna do the People to People thing but the amount of money is a big issue especially because of the whole recession thingy or whatever. I'm gonna take it like it is. If it happens then it happens if not then theres aways next year.