This week has been utterly crappy. I miss my friends I miss the way things were. I don't remember what happened this week but i do remember my feelings and they were basically so sad. Ugh on Monday I hung with the other little group and same with Tuesday. By the end of the day we were supposed to be made up but we aren't. On Wednesday I just chilled with Jasmine and on Thursday they ditched me and hung between the three of them while I went to art club. Yesterday I remember very well. I spent the day crying. In first period I broke down crying and had to leave class and while I was out there for like 5 minutes Analise came out and talked to me, I don't want her to be torn between us I want her to be happy, and with the way things are that isn't gonna happen. She helped me try to calm down. Mr. Carlson also helped me in a way, because he held me after class and talked to me which made me a little happier. In second period I tried to look happy but Michelle looked passed all of that, and saw that I was still upset so I talked to her and she said it sucks but I shouldn't let them treat me like this so, I've decided that I'm done crying (or I'm gonna try to) and I don't want to care anymore. No one is going to upset me anymore, I want to be like Jasmine in a way, she has what she has in life, and she doesn't care what people do about it. I also talked to Jasmine after class because she also noticed and so did Mark. Why does everyone else notice but Natalie and Breanna???? I guess it just doesn't matter enough for them to get out of their nice peachy lives and notice reality. The way things are going I just don't want to be their friends anymore. I'm just so sad now a days and it really is affecting me. I need to get over it and get over them, other wise it will kill me inside and out. Today was ok-ish. I wanted to go to Scandia with Jackus, Mari, Bryanne, and Cindy but my mother changed her mind at the last minute, and I got kind of pissed, but then I realized it was better because I'm not really in the mood to see friends and pretend that i'm happy when I'm really not. And on top of that, Jackie I know for sure isn't gonna be in the greatest mood, because her and Tony broke up, so I don't feel like comforting her when I can't even comfort myself. I know that sounds selfish but lately I haven't been in the mood for much. On Monday shes gonna be my main priority though because she is amazing.

I just want my friends, I want to be happy, I want to move on, I just want things to be like they were before!

Wow an entire week as gone by since my last post. I honestly cannot remember much that happened during the week but I can try. Let me see on Monday I had a DBQ in history, which I ended up failing because I didn’t answer the question correctly. Ugh oh well, I really hope that I have a good grade in that class. I mean I try so hard to keep my grades up. Only last week was a killer for me I mean yeah. So on Tuesday I do not remember what happened but it must have not been too important besides taking that math test which I got a B on. OMG I was so psyched. On Wednesday I had a minimum day and I was taking the PSAT so I didn’t go to any of my classes except sixth which was coolie because all we did was watch a show from the History channel so it was coolie. Thursday I had some uber cramming to do for the History test (which I got a solid C on which is good enough for me XD) and I ended up not even finishing what I was supposed to do because like I went to my aunts house for a little bit and I just got tired and went to sleep even though I hadn’t done my extra credit yet. Haha. On Friday I got to take my ceramics cups home, and I did the stupidest thing I ever did happened. I wrote the girlies who I thought were my best friends a long letter explaining my trust issues and how I didn’t know if I was able to trust them and they stopped talking to me which was a killer for me since I love those chickies a lot. And the worst part of it was that they had AJ be on their side. IDK if it was meant to be like that but that’s how it turned out. Saturday was alright I guess. Me and my sisters and my dad went to Hometown Buffet for breakfast and the food was ok, but the guy who was super sexy waiter and staring at me was the best part. On Saturday I looked pretty sexy, not to sound conceited or anything, but I did. Anyhow, afterwards we went to get my phone fixed, and I was at the AT&T store the they made me call tech support Dx. Then they made me go to another store to fix it. But it all turned out amazing because like they GAVE ME A NEW PHONE!!!! OMG I was so happy because now I don’t have those nasty scratches on it anymore and my phone works WHEEEEEEEE!!!! That night we went to In-n-out. It was soooo yummy I loved it so much. I absolutely in-n-out I mean the food is just so delicious. After that we headed over to this Halloween thingy which ended up being kind of lame and only one of them was scary. XD Actually I just kept screaming because I kept being startled. In the second one I kind of got paralyzed and couldn’t move because of the strobe lights (I believe that is what their called) so yeah. It kind of sucked but it wasn’t scary at all. And boy some of those peoples breathe stunk Dx. Like super nasty. Overall I had fun though. =] On Sunday I just caught up on my shows. Like Heroes, Fringe, and Ghost Whisperer. And Today was probablly the gayest day ever since IDK. I got to school and they STILL weren’t talking to me so it made me want to cry because they wouldn’t even acknowledge that I existed. Then before lunch in 3rd period Analise apologized for not talking to me and I hoped at lunch we could talk but we didn’t so I called her out for it. Then in 5th Mark oh so wonderful Mark talked to me which made me feel a little bit better because he is just so darn awesome. We talked then after class before 6th Natalie went up to him and they talked about ME and I was standing like not even 10 feet away from them it makes me so mad that they have the nerve to do that. Ugh so I went to 6th all pissed. After school I didn’t even look at Analise or the other two. They’ve pissed me off to the max, but I guess its my fault but still we’re supposed to be “close” friends. BULL FUCKING SHIT!!!!! They way that they’re treating me pisses me off. And I have to work with Analise on a project this week. Ugh. I wish things would go back to normal. But I’m gonna put up a big old fight and I will not cave in because I have a hard head!


They make me feel like this


And they probably feel this like this Dx
I wanted to find the real video but youtube wouldn't let me. UGH

time and time again I want to say i'm happy. is it really true? I want to say it is but i just cant be sure. sometimes I am just so happy ouch my boobs just started hurting out of no where and there are other times when i'm just like WHATS THE POINT???? everyone sees me as this fine and dandy girly girl who is probablly the happiest girl on earth but i'm not. I'm really not. not even my true friends know how unhappy i can be at times. i want things to change it's just like seriously why is it always me who gets everything that has been worked hard at thrown in my face like it doesn't even matter? On friday i spent like the entire day with natalie, shes my best friend we had a blast like a great blast. I always have a blast with her. and when we were going back to her place i felt like it was MY fault that she got in trouble for staying out later than she had planned. the next day was the psychology car was. honestly it was so fun I had a great time. at first i felt very needy and felt like i HAD to be with my friends but slowly i just left them and went and got to know the other people in my psychology class. mark and analise weren't talking and i had them make up so then it felt like they were somewhat avoiding me part of the time so it made me feel like utter shit. i know that i really shouldn't feel like that but i did. on sunday i just spent the day reading dune and cleaning it wasn't much better but i didn't feel so needy. today was a lousy day just because of the winds, and analise was down so it put me in a sad mood since she is just such a great friend i hate it when mark asks her out because it just gets her all down. she is one of my closest friends and i hate it when she is upset. then we got ditched by nat breanna and aj at lunch so we felt all shitty together but whatever. natie is still my best friend and she explained to me what they went over to the other side of the hall for.
I want things to be like they were, i wanna feel happy and everything, its hard thought it really is. Ugh
Jasmine and I are at a great start of a new friendship so that makes me happy
I really wanna do the People to People thing but the amount of money is a big issue especially because of the whole recession thingy or whatever. I'm gonna take it like it is. If it happens then it happens if not then theres aways next year.

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AJ pisses me off. End of story. Haha, I am like 99.1 percent sure that I don't like him. I don't know what I want, I never do which is always my problem which is why I can't ever get into a relationship since I am always just so indecisive. UGH what gay shit!
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P-ROB gave us ANOTHER extension on Dune! FUCK YES!!!!!! Now I can actually finish it without fucking speed reading it or just spark noting it since it's not on Cliff Notes.
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My current favorite song
I effing love No Doubt!
Can you say favorite band much?

My hormones are going crazy. I have been having some naughty thoughts about some different people. No me gusta. Maybe I should like go get laid and see if its actually worth what I have been feeling lately. I mean really, I'm sure everyone gets like this like super horny at one point or another. But I ain't gonna effing touch myself. I don't see why people do that. I would have someone else to it for me. Haha. Sadly there isn't anyone who can satisfy my needs. Ugh thats muy gay. I need some action in my life. Haha

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Ok Friday:Chilled at Naties, and we talked about EVERYTHING she sang to me, we danced together, talked and had a great time, we went back to the school and met up with Breanna. When it was time for them to start rehearsal I just sat there and watched them until Bryanne and Stacey got there and we chilled outside until we saw them getting ready to go the the football field. We tried to sneak in but it didn't work out very well so we just paid. We watched the football game and eventually got all into it. It was amazing. Our team won of course. Natie says its because the choir was there. XD
Saturday: Went to the people to people meeting OMG I THINK I GOT ACCEPTED!!!! OMG I am soooo excited. Like no lies I really hope that I did I will be soooo psyched if I did. And I believe I sent an apology letter to Jasmine that day as well
Sunday:Lazy day of homework and some talking to Jasmine (we're friends again which makes me sooo happy) watched true blood went to bed
Monday:Officially became friends with Jasmine again and found some interesting stuff out about someone. And whatever. Very interesting. It was my sisters birthday so we went to LA to celebrate. We had a very delicious cake was very yummy. Yep yep. I got sick again so we went home and got home around 9
Today:Skipped school cuz I was "sick" but really it was so I could just have an extra day of studying lol. Haha I have a psych test and I wasn't ready for it lolz
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About AJ, I decided that I DON'T like him but I think that he likes me so it's getting pretty weird. Lol yesterday I decked him in the balls cuz he wouldn't stop hugging me.
Me and Michelle chilled yesterday after school until my mom came to pick me up. We talked about a bunch of shit. It makes me remember why I love that chickie so much.

If theres more I'll update again later =]

The past two days have been spent doing homework. It's pretty lame when you think about it because I have no life anymore D=
Fuck all them AP classes
Today is shaping up to be a good day. I can feel it. I know that i'm gonna have fun today with Natie at the football game.
Yesterday was the worst day ever actually. I felt so neglected by my closest friends so lunch was pretty lame. The good thing was that I was able to talk a lot more to stacey yesterday because of that fact.
Everyone thinks that theres something going on between me and anthony but there isn't. I don't even know how i feel about him anymore because everyones being annoying.
I still have an A+ in APUSH which is pretty wicked since that class is supposed to be like supah hard. I honestly hope that I can keep an A all year. I really want that 4.5 or even 4.3 for once again.
My student ambassadors meeting is tomorrow I really hope that I make it because I will be really devastated if i don't.
Lets see what else. . . .
I've been really depressed this week so I've just trying to get through each day without breaking down. And the thing is I don't even know why i've been feeling like this. Ugh. My life is complicated.
Though I must say it's gotton alot better than it was last year. I think last year was horrible, I was heartbroken, tramatized by family issues, and other things as well.
Well, I have to take a shower before it gets later because I'm not coming home today since I'm going to my dads so I need to clean my room and choose my clothes and all that jazz.

homework is fucking lame. stupid robinson assigned a bunch of homework and I still need to do the rhetoric essay and finish Dune. BLEH Today was simply amazing! the food fair was yummy. I had in-n-out and crazy bread and a krispy cream doughnut. I spent $6 but it was worth it.

Love interests? I'm still so undecided. I mean like aj and i just click and we flirt so much. whatever though. he's crazy and i'm crazy i don't think i'm really looking for anyone right now.

oh la la i'm going to the football game on friday. XD i cannot wait to see Natie sing. she has such a pretty voice it makes me happy. i might even be able to get snuck in if they can do it XDD

so today in ceramics it was funny. I was talking to Doug and i told him and mark i had a lack of a love life which is true and he was oh thats easy just hook up with someone at the football game XD
and then we talked about 7 inches hahahaha